POSTING YOUR OWN JOKES CAN MAKE US ALL HAPPY AND NICE..

POST YOUR JOKES HIR...

NABASA KO ITO SA FORUM NG FAS..WELL GUSTO KO LANG ISHARE SA INYO..NATOUCH AKO.....



THIS IS A VERY SHOCKING STORY... NAKAKAKILABOT TALAGA...

This is a story from University of the Philippines (Diliman) about a young college girl who passed away last month. Her name was Tiffany.
She
was hit by a dump truck. She had a boyfriend named Joel .
Both of them were true lovers. They always hung on the phone. You could never see her without her cell phone. In fact she also changed her network coverage from Smart to Globe, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost and get good network coverage. She spends half of the day talking/texting with Joel.
Tiffany's family knew about their relationship. Joel was very close with Tiffany's family. (Just imagine their love). Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please bury me with my hand phone" she also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people couldn't carry her coffin, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't, everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the same.
Eventually, they called a Feng Shui Master. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "THIS GIRL MISSES SOMETHING HERE". Then her friends told the Master about her intentions to bury her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and placed her phone and SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked.

Tiffany's parents did not inform Joel that Tiffany had passed away.
After
2 weeks Joel called Tiffany's mom and said, "I'm coming home today.
Cook
something nice po, ha? Don't tell Tiffany that I'm coming home today, I wanna surprise her." Her mother replied... "You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important." After he came, they told him the truth about Tiffany . Joel thought that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "don't try to fool me - tell Tiffany to come out, I have a gift for her. Please stop this nonsense".

Then they showed him her grave. Joel said, "It's not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me." Joel was shaking. Suddenly, his phone rang. "See.. this is from Tiffany, see this..." he showed the phone to Tiffany's family.

All of them told him to answer. He talked using the loudspeaker mode.
All of them heard their conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It was the actual voice of Tiffany & there was no way others could use her SIM card since it was nailed inside the coffin. They were so shocked and asked for the Feng Shui Master's help again.

The Master brought his co-masters to solve this matter. He & his co-masters worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing...




GLOBE HAS THE BEST COVERAGE, WHEREVER YOU GO, THEIR NETWORK FOLLOWS...

ANG LAKAS TALAGA NG GLOBE... KAHIT NASAAN KA MAN...

KAYA GLOBE NA KAYO NANG KAYO AY NAKAKASIGURADONG MALAYO ANG MARARATING NINYO...




IYON LANG...!

NAISAHAN KA BA?

ITO PA..ANOTHER ONE...

My cellphone's beeping sound woke me up one night.Used to receiving
important messages only, I grabbed my cell and sleepily pushed the
key send read the message.

"Hi there! Care 2 b my txtmate?" Not knowing who the sender was,I
deleted the message right away and placed the phone on my bedside
table,I tried to go back to sleep.

I had just closed my eyes when I heard the message
tone again.

"Hi there, again! Care 2 b my txtmate?" again, the message said.

"Who the hell could this be asking for a txtmate at the wee hours of
the night?" I asked myself. Again, without bothering to reply I
deleted the message.

Just as I was to close my eyes and return to my dreamless sleep, the
phone beeped again.Same number...Such determination!

"Pls reply 2 dis msg & b an angel & save me frm dis abyss of
emptiness!!! "I never knew why, but the message struck me. I got up
and pushed the keys...I just realized I was replying to the message.

"Im not an angel, n f u want som1 2 save u, m not superman... I'm
just a simple prson who u wake up at dis r of my nyt!!! Nway, do I
know u?"I typed.

Seconds later came the reply. "Nope. U don't know dis lonely soul.
Nor does she know u. But I want 2 bur frnd. I'm Mikaella Cervantes.
U?"

"Just call me Julius. How'd u get my no.?" I sent back. "Hi Julius,
nice 2 meet u. Just shuffled the last two digits of mine," she
replied. That was the first and maybe the last time I met someone
over the cellphone. We exchanged messages and learned so much about
each other that night. We only said goodbye when my alarm clock rang
at 5:00 AM! I had to prepare for school! And that was also how it all
started. A day would not pass without it loving and thoughtful
messages from her. It was only then I had learned to appreciate text
messages and become eager and excited everytime.

My phone beeped, hoping it would be her.Mikaella brought out
something about me that I never knew I had; I realized I could also
be a romantic person... even if it's just through text messaging.

"Keep me as a frnd & I will keep u in my heart. Lock it up & throw
away d key so dat no1 can evr tke u away from me..." One day, she
sent this message to me. I replied: 'In life, we seldom find a true
prson & f u evr find 1, hold on & nvr let go... value dat prson coz
it's lyf's gift worth keeping & holdin on..."

I never knew why, but her response sent shivers to my spine, " Value
d pipol hu hav touched ur life bcoz u will never know just wen dey
will walk out Of ur lyf & nvr come back again."

I couldn't understand what I felt that moment, but one thing I was
sure though... I could not go on a day without a single word from
her. I'd become used to having her, eventhough we had not met
personally. But truly, she already occupied a space, a large one, in
fact in my life. I texted her back. "Dont come close f l8r ull jst
pass by; don't touch me f l8r ull jst let me cry; dont luv me f l8r
ull jst leave me and won't stay..." I didn't know why
I sent her that message, but somehow I felt, every word came from my
heart. In the short span of time we were sending messages to each
other, I knew, I was starting to keep her in my heart.

I called her once. The voice on the other end was like an
angel's.Soft, kind, full of love. Yet, there was something in it I
couldn't define.We only talked for a few minutes. Before she hung up,
she told me not to call again. According to her, it would be better
if we would just text each other. But the voice kept ringing, not
only in my head, but in myheart, I'dlongto hear it once more. I tried
to call her again, but she never answered the phone. She just kept on
sending messages and quotations, which I Copied in a little notebook.
Hopeless romantic? I didn't know. All I could say was that all the
messages she sent me were wonderful, they came from the heart and
cut through the heart.

"Though we r miles apart, u r always n my heart. I close my eyes&der
u r. Even f I'll see u never, I'll always b hir 2 care 4 u, far
longer dan 4ever..."

One December night, she sent me this message. By that time we
hadbeen exchanging messages for more than a month. God knew
how happy I was. She was right. Although we had not seen each other,
what we felt was enough to make us both realize what was keeping us
together.

I sent her another message, "Loving u secretly is a hard thing 4 me 2
do, hoping, wondring that u will feel d same way 2, but I can't read
ur mind f u luv me 2. But whatever it is, I'll still be loving u."

"How I wish I cud really tell u how much u mean 2 me, but m afraid 2
love, scared 2 get hurt... I hope dat u will wait 4 me & pray dat u
will not get tired of loving me...=)" was her reply.

And then I replied again. " The reason y I met u is bcoz of destiny
but f destiny will suggest dat I'll live w/o u, den, I'll lie not by
destiny but of free will."

Whenever I asked her when we would meet personally, she always
answered, "Soon...soon, love...soon. "

Not seeing each other did not lessen, even a bit, whatI felt for
her...rather, it even grew deeper and stronger each day. And I was
sure, she felt the same way, too. Love messages continued to flow
through our lines, between our hearts, which made us go on each day
with the thought that sooner, we would see each other, face to face,
heart to heart.

Just a few days before Christmas. She stopped sending messages. At
first I just though she had ran out of prepaid. but there was
something that kept bothering me... I couldn'tunderstand what was
it, but it made me feel nervous. I tried to call her but she wouldn't
answer. Nevertheless, I continued sending messages.

Suddenly one night, just three days before our Lord's birthday. I
heard my phone's message tone again... at last! It was from her!

"Oftentyms we say gudbye 2 d 1 we luv w/o wanting 2. Though dat
doesn't mean dat we stopped loving dem or we stopped 2 care.
Sometyms, GOODBYE is a painful way 2 say I LOVE YOU."

I was dumfounded. I didn't know what to think of. What did she mean?
I texted her back, searching for answers, but found nothing. I called
her but she would not answer. For the first time in my life, I felt
so miserable... desperate. ..empty. I didn't know what to do. I didn't
want to lose her. I had learned to love her. And Iwanted to be with
her forever.

The following days I felt nothing but emptiness. It seemed that
Mikaella took the life out of me. I missed her so much...her
messages...The tones that would tell me she'd sent
another loving message. Nothing around me could feel the emptiness
felt.

Tut...tut... tut...tut. ..tut...just a day before Christmas, my cell
beeped again. It was her! "Meet me at d cafe, 10 AM 2day," I read
aloud, making sure the message was true, then I jumped with joy upon
hearing from her again. Hurriedly, I got myself ready and I went to
the mall. I knew it was still early, but I wanted to be there before
she arrived.

I arrived at the meeting place ten minutes earlier. I was surprised
to see her already there, smiling at me. She was very beautiful,
Black, deep-set eyes that spoke a thousand words; small, kissable
lips; a nose Perfectly chiseled and long black hair - everything in
her was beautiful. And yes, her eyes radiated kindness and love...
but there was a flicker of something in them...sadness?

"Hi, Julius," said the angelic voice I had been dreaming of each
night.The voice that I had waited to hear for so long. "Please sit
down."

"I am very pleased to meet you, Mikaella," I said, as I took my seat
and gave the roses I brought for her.

"Thanks, Julius," she smiled, obviously pleased with the roses. I
knew she loved pink roses.

"You are always welcome, Love"

"Julius, I can't stay," she said, sadness in her voice, or was it
tears? "I really must go."

"But we just met, Mikaella. Can't we talk a little longer?" I asked,
pleadingly. "I can't really. I just came here to see you and thank
you for the time you shared with me. Thank you for everything,
Julius. I will never forget you...you will always be here in my
heart."

She was looking at me straight into the eyes, and I could really feel
the sadness in her voice and I swear, there was something in her
voice and I swear, there was something in those lovely yet lonely
eyes...

She got up and smiled at me, lovingly. "Tomorrow morning, please come
and visit me," he said and gave me a piece of white linen paper.

I read what was written and when I looked up, she was gone.

The following day, Christmas, I woke up early and excitedly readied
myself, thinking of her. I hurriedly went to a flower shop and bought
a dozen pink roses - for Mikaella.

They lived in an exclusive subdivision. Upon reaching their house, I
told the guard who I was and that I was looking for Mikaella. The
guard stared at me, sadness and amazement in his eyes and told me to
wait as he called the owner of the house. As I looked at him while he
was going inside the house, only then I noticed that the house was
brightly lit.

A woman went out and walked towards me, smiling sadly. "Hi, I'm
Maria, Mikaella's mother. Please come inside, Julius." While we were
walking towards the mansion, she explained to me why she knew me very
well - Mikaella had always been talking about her friend, Julius. I
hardly understood what she was saying. I was busy thinking why
Mikaella's mother was crying while talking to me

As we came near the great hall of the house, it dawned on me that
there was a wake inside, Maybe, a relative passed away, I thought.
But deep in my heart, I was trembling and afraid.

As we entered the hall where so many people were silently mourning
while others were praying, shaking, I asked her mother. "Where is
Mikaella?"

She held my hand and silently, led me to the coffin which was
surrounded by flowers - pink roses, nothing but pink roses.No words
could explain how I felt when I gazed at the coffin
and saw who was lying there. The same beautiful girl I met...

A man came beside me, I knew he was Mika's father. "We are so glad
you came, Julius. Mika talked of you all the time. She even asked
that her phone be buried with her. She said that in that way, you
could still send her messages and you would always be with her."

I couldn't believe everything.. .My mind was in limbo.

"But how can this be? We just saw each other yesterday."

"That can't possibly be. She passed away three days ago. She had been
suffering from a heart disease since she was a child," said her
father.

"But..." I couldn't find the words to say.

"She told us not to bother reaching you, "her mother said, still in
tears,"she said you will come, and here you are. Pain and bitterness
overwhelmed me. I cried silently beside her, staring at her lovely
face, memorizing every line of my friend's face, a face I knew I
would never forget while I was still alive.

After the internment that afternoon, I went to the chapel she had
told me she went everyday.

Sitting there praying and crying to God, I held my phone and typed:

"U taught me how 2 care; u taught me how 2 b kind; u shwd me how 2
lyk som1;u shwd me how 2 luv; but ders 1 thing u didnt teach me & it
hurts mor -u didnt teach me how 2 let go. I LOVE YOU"

I sent the message, and though I knew she wouldn't be able to hold
her CP again, I knew in my heart she ould get my message. I never
expected a reply, yet as my phone beeped again, I felt a shiver down
my spine. The sender's number did not appear on the screen, and tears
rolled down my cheeks as I read the message.

"Let go of d hand of d prson u love, but dnt let go of God's hand. 4
if u hold 2 his hand. He may b holding d prson u love n d ader hand 2
let u hold each other again."

"I will never forget you, Mikaella and I will never let go..." I
vowed toher and to myself as I left the church.

THEN JUST BEFOR I EXIT THE GATE, SOMEONE IN A HURRY APPROACHED ME AND
GRABBED MY CELLPHONE!!!

Yan!!!! bumagay na sa pamagat. he he he...

Mweheheheee...naiyak kayo no?

the second story is better than the first one...

however, the 2nd story is quite familiar...^_^

same conclusion sa fas yus..hehehe

ng bweset ni timixia....

agpost ka met ah pap..awan sa met readers ko yus....

Are Computers Male or Female?

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories.
[b]

2008's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of woman's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
Begins ......



He Said, She Said
He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said. . . A widow.

He said to me . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Kids Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
________________________________ ____________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherrytree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
___________________

detan...

binanatan ni kasin'en...

heheheh...

nice one pap shengwa...tayo tayo lang naman ang nagpopost...bumanat nak mt 2n adda time ko..hehehe..nice job shenwitz papa...

kornikz!!!!
pop corn!!!
banana chipz!!!
etc...
hehe

awan gamin ti amum nga joke pap ta seryoso gamin ti biag mo

hehehe